Altoona First Southern Baptist Church Men's Ministry Blog

Men's Ministry Roundtable Discussion

From June 18, 2005

“Family Leadership and Fatherhood?”

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" (I John 3:1, NIV).

“And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for the sweet-smelling savour” (Ephesians 5:2)

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6)

“I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.” (Psalm 101:2)

“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that we on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, We will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)

"For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God."
(I Thess. 2:11-12).
"turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers ..." (Malachi 4:6, NIV).

“If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.” (John 15:10)

“And he said unto them, Set your hearts unto all the words which I testify among you this day, which ye shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law.” (Deuteronomy 32:46)

“Gather me the people together, and I will make them hear my words, that they may learn to fear me all the days that they shall live upon the earth, and that they may teach their children.” (Deuteronomy 4:10)

“The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.” (Proverbs 20:7)

“The living, the living he shall praise thee, as I do this day: the father to the children shall make known thy truth.” (Isaiah 38:19)

“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment.” (Genesis 18:19)

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

“If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him? (Luke 11:11-13)

“A child identifies his parents with God, whether the adults want that role or not. Most children “see” God the way they perceive their earthly fathers.”
—James Dobson

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys!”
—Harmon Killebrew

Leading Your Family: Part One, June 9, 2005, Andrew Templeton

We live in a different world than that of the famous television familyknown as the Walton's. Times have changed. Values have changed.Priorities have changed. But, the need to effectively lead your familyhas certainly not. We have all heard the statistics regardingfatherlessness in America (37 percent of children under the age of 18live absent their biological father); but that is but a portion of thestory. Henry Biller, author of The Father Factor and the Two ParentAdvantage, found fewer than 25 percent of young boys and girlsexperience at least one hour per day in one-on-one contact with theirfathers. This survey was compiled from children who live with bothparents. Overall, the average one-on-one father/child contact in Americaresides at only around 30 minutes per day. Time is essential in leading one's family. Children need both parentsactive and involved in their lives for more than a mere 30 minutes perday.Touch is a necessary for all children regardless of gender and age.Wrestling, hugs, high fives, brushing hair are all wonderful andappropriate ways to let your children feel your love.Talking always helps build relations. Learn to talk about and share whatinterest you both. Ask lots of questions and be a good listener.Tenderness is not limited to females. As dad's we must be tender in ourlove and in how we interact with our children and family. Every childdeserves at least one person who is crazy about him or her; be thatperson.Teaching is a key role every man plays in his family. You are alwaysteaching something whether you realize it or not. Your children areconstantly watching you. Don't miss an opportunity to teach them theright way.Tenacity is always difficult. Being constantly persistent seems to tireus out, but when our heart is in something and we stay close to God, Hewill empower us to never quit.Our families need leaders. Be a leader in your family. Use these easyand basic principles to be an effective leader for your home.


Leading Your Family: Part two ,June 10, 2005, Andrew Templeton

Leading our families in today’s post-Walton world is not always easy. By being present and available to your family you can make an enormous impact on their lives. Studies have proven that father’s make a unique contribution in the lives of their children. I encourage you to make that unique contribution daily in the lives of your family. In accepting your role as leader of your home, you will be honored and respected for who you are. By being present and practicing a few basic principles you will move from being the head of family to being the head of an effective family.

(One) Effective families practice unconditional love. The story of the Prodigal Son is an excellent example of how a family needs to unconditionally love and accept you as you are. As dad’s we need to be accepting and loving at all times to both our children and our wife.

(Two) Effective families learn to become communicators. There is a method to communicating. There is also a difference in the method depending on one’s audience. For example, how you communicate with colleagues at work is different than how you would communicate with friends on a basketball court. Similarly, there is a difference in how you communicate in home with your wife and how you communicate with your children. James 1:19 reminds us “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Remember, these are the people you love most; have conversations that are filled with love and grace.

(Three) Effective families make the home a teaching center. Teach your family what the Lord has spoken to you. You are their pastor in the home. You are their best teacher. You have the greatest influence on who they will become. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road when you lie down and when you get up.”

(Four) Effective families learn to treasure time. “Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom” (Psalms 90:12, New Living Translation). We are responsible for every minute we are given in regards to being responsible for our families. Treasure this time. Honor this time. And, use this time to invest all that you can into helping them be effective for the Kingdom.



A Healthy Fear
June 15, 2005
Andrew Templeton

Eighty-six percent of Americans profess to believe in God
Seventy-nine percent profess to believe in a Judgment Day before God
Forty-six percent say they attend church regularly
Sixteen percent say they read the Bible on a consistent basis
The church parallels society in almost every measurable statistic: divorce, teen pregnancy, abortion, bankruptcy, etc. Fearing God’s wrath has not had any real effect on the behavior patterns of those who claim to follow God. Why? Simply stated, it is because the fear of retribution does not change a heart; only love can accomplish that.

This principle is complimentary to the idea of fathering the heart as opposed to fathering for performance that has been discussed the last two days. Defining a standard of acceptable behavior is important. It should also be noted that how this standard is communicated and enforced is vital to how your child will respond. We all desire our children to honor, love and respect us. What we need to be careful of is that this is not motivated in your child’s heart because of fear of rejection but because of healthy fear of respect for the position that God has entrusted you with. Children should fear punishment for foolish behavior, but that should not be the overriding reason for good behavior.

Having a love and respect for your parents should be the governing factors that bring about cautious consideration before participating in any activity. Each of us is a representative of our family. Our actions reflect on who we are, who are parents are, and even who are fellow brothers in Christ are. It is for the latter reason that the media gives so much attention to Christian leaders who make a mistake.

We are witnesses. We are ambassadors for God and for godly living. But, why do we do this? Because we love Him. Why do we desire our children to live life in a godly manner, because we want them to love God and fear Him and because we desire their respect. Author and pastor Tom Lane has said, “We cannot fully understand the fear of God and its shaping influence on our behavior apart from this kind of relationship with our fathers. In its essence, the fear of God is demonstrated through attitudes and actions of reverent respect.”

My father influenced our family by his character and guidance, not by intimidation. I wanted to please and obey him because I love and respect him. My desire to please him created a fear of disappointing him. My respect for my father and the corresponding desire to please him were never the result of fearing rejection. It was a matter of choice.

As we rear our children, it is their love we should seek first, the obedience will follow. That is why when they are only a baby we love them, then when they can walk and do things on their own, they will listen and obey.

Thinking About Dad On Father's Day Getting a Good Dad-Attitude June 14, 2005 - by Dr. John Townsend

Father's Day is a day dedicated to Dad - to give honor to our respective fathers as the men who helped mold and form us. Father's Day is a good time for deepening our understanding of what fathering is all about, and for reflecting on how we were parented. One cannot overstate the importance of the fathering we receive. God, in His role as Eternal Father, has appointed human dads as His vehicle for creating and nurturing the qualities He wants to develop within us. Our earthly fathers have a profound impact on how we turn out as adults. I'd like to offer some insights into fathering and suggest how you might mend those gaps in your life where Dad's parenting failed to meet your needs.
The two tasks of fathering.

In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for "father" connotes benevolence and protection. This is a wonderful summary of the good things God intended fathers to bring to their children. Let's see what these two aspects of fathering are about.
Benevolence has to do with kindness: a good dad brings warmth and caring to his kids. He makes them feel safe and secure and totally accepted, no matter what their faults and failings. This translates into children who are able to receive love and care from God and other people, and to give it as well. They become relationally-based individuals in the world. The dad who spends time listening, talking, and simply being connected to his children brings benevolence to their hearts, souls, and emerging character. In relating to his children, a good dad lavishes this love and benevolence on them: "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" (I John 3:1, NIV).

Protection, on the other hand, relates to a father's strength in guarding his children from harm or evil. This protection helps kids grow into strong, responsible, and free adults, ready to encounter the world and take their place in it. A dad protects by keeping his children away from harmful influences or people. He also protects them from their own immaturity and impulsivity by correcting, guiding, and disciplining them. His children experience his guidance and protection and eventually become responsible grown-ups, able to protect themselves: "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God." (I Thess. 2:11-12).

If things don't go as planned.

Despite the best of intentions, however, human dads make mistakes in parenting, some small and some large (as a father of two teens, I know this very well). As you reflect on the fathering you have received, you may be aware of some lacks. Instead of a father's benevolence, you may have experienced emotional distance and harshness, or instead of protection, inconsistency and lack of structure. Or perhaps you experienced benevolence and protection some of the time, but not enough to fill your needs. These problems affect how we view God, ourselves and others, and they get in the way of our spiritual, emotional, and personal lives. We end up with wounded hearts.

God in His wisdom, however, has provided for the repair and healing of whatever did not go right in our fathering. He offers us the resources to transform our woundedness and neediness into wholeness and completion. He is a father Himself, and a healer, and He is our prime resource: "O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me" (Ps. 30:2).

Our second resource is His Word, which has power to help us grow up anew: "He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave" (Ps. 107:20).
God's people are a third major resource we can draw on to help us grow and change: "God sets the lonely in families" (Ps. 68:6). We are helped the most when we combine all three of these resources into some form of spiritual growth process, in particular, the type of growth process you find in a small group setting. There, in an environment of safety and love, you can receive whatever care, acceptance, encouragement, structure, and wisdom you did not receive from Dad. Submitting to such a growth process gives you (and Dad) a second chance at life and a future full of hope.

This Father's Day, let's strike a balance between gratefulness and forgiveness. We can be grateful to our dads for filling the position and role God gave them in our lives, and for providing whatever degree of benevolence and protection they were able to. At the same time, we can forgive them for what they did not provide, and find the fathering we need elsewhere, so that God can finish what He started in us. In this way, we will honor both Dad and our God and receive the blessings of growth that God intended all along.

God bless you this Father's Day!

A Father’s Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being the best example of a father that I can look to, and thank You for offering wisdom in Your holy Word that I can go to for guidance. Please help me to love my children the way that You love me, and when discipline is necessary, help me to lovingly administer what is needed the way that You do for me. Help me to guide and direct in a godly way. Help me to have fun with my children and to provide a secure environment that will allow my children to feel confident in who they are. Please help me to be a spiritual leader—one who emphasizes the importance of a close relationship with You! And Father, constantly remind me of what a blessed man I am to be a father. In the good times and bad, help me to remember that my children are a wonderful gift from You. Thank you Father. Amen