Altoona First Southern Baptist Church Men's Ministry Blog

COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR WIFE



By Andrew Templeton
Communicating Wisely, June 21, 2005

As with anything that one desires to build, the foundation is always the starting point. You cannot have a house that will last without a strong foundation; you cannot build an office complex or a church without a firm foundation; similarly you cannot build a strong marriage or relationship with your children without a strong and firm foundation.

With the understanding being that Christ must be at the center of everything in your life, including your relationships and your marriage; I would suggest that communication be the key foundation to a lasting and strong relationship. Communication is not easy for men. The primarily reasons are because it involves opening up, expressing yourself, expanding your word count, and sharing intimate details.

Here is a secret — a woman wants meaningful communication and memorable conversation, but instead she gets little more than she did decades previously in elementary school on a playground. Our brains operate and function completely different than from a woman’s brain. For example, when a man argues and fights he seeks to win and conquer. However, when a woman argues and fights she is simply doing so for the right to be heard and to make her position known. Women want to be validated and want to receive reassurance, which can only come through their man opening up and validating her and reassuring her.

The following are four tips that Dr. Greg Smalley encourages men to use in opening their life to a deeper and more meaningful conversation with their wife:

· Use your personal history: Paint a big picture for her so she can have insight to what makes you the way you are.

· Use your work experience: There is a big difference in communicating with fellow employees than with your wife, but by discussing with her your day and things you did throughout it will build intimacy and help her see more of who you are.

· Make feelings out of facts: By rephrasing common facts throughout our day we are really showing how we feel about things such as instead of simply saying today was a long day; try “Honey, this is how my life feels today.”

· Use word pictures: Allow your wife to see with crystal clarity the point of what you are saying.